- FROM A WOMAN WHO HASN'T GOT A CLUE -
Did you know last night I cried myself to sleep? Today I cried hysterically from laughter. I’m a girl, that’s what we do. Sometimes, my friends that don’t fail to have me in fits of giggles are the ones that suffer from depression. What you see on the outside doesn’t always match what’s going on inside.
It’s quite easy in this day and age to look at someone's life through, in particular, a rose-tinted Instagram and feel that they have it all, small dog, hot hubby, marble staircase and all. Our lives aren’t quite like that are they? Hubby - never mind hot - seems to be an impossible task and your small dog obsessions is constantly suppressed by the wilting plant on the window ledge that you never imagined would need to be watered everyday. Who knew house plants weren't self-sufficient - that definitely wasn’t in the 21st Century guide to womanhood.
In fact nothing is in that guide! They didn’t tell me how to cope when exhibit A slept with my best friend, they didn’t tell me how to cope when exhibit B dumped me via text, they didn’t tell me how to cope when exhibit C slept with three of my friends and they didn’t tell me how to choose my friends more wisely. I learnt the hard way, I also learnt that I’m alive and absolutely none of this matters and not worth a single tear. I mean do you even remember the last name of the boy who broke your heart when you were sixteen - I tried to insta-stalk him last night and couldn’t remember for the life of me what his name was even though I wrote it on my pencil case 100 times a day. Lesson number one - boys are silly, try not to use physical violence and walk/run in the opposite direction preferably with your most fabulous stilettos on.
A common question that seems to be more important to the person asking than it is to the one answering - ‘What do you want to do in life?’ They cling on to your puzzled gaze as if it’s the moment that truly defines you. From an unashamed lost wanderer I’ve often answered ‘I want to write a book on what not to do in life’. As it seems from the moment I start to plan my perfect future the complete abysmal opposite happens, most scenarios concluding with a merciful raised eye-brow to the sky whilst miming ‘Are you fricking kidding me?!’ I look at everyone's lives on the internet and I honestly believe that they are so perfect birds and butterflies flutter as they awake looking flawless every morning. Where as I just slump to the bathroom in my ten year old (exceptionally comfy) pyjamas to see if one of my humongous spots have taken on a whole new life form of their own. Lesson number two - if you’re winging it and I’m definitely winging it, that may mean Princes Fiona is winging it too, right?
I tried to be one of those cool people that sit in Starbucks today looking all studious, doing emails, editing and all that really cool stuff bloggers are meant to do. I sat down and a man raised his voice ‘What galaxy are you from?’ - I side glanced unsure if this was a real scenario. He continued to ask/yell at me ‘Why are you so fucking poor? I thought to myself ‘oh, here we go again’, really unfazed by the slightly more ‘eccentric’ characters that I seem to stumble across (attract) in London. It then somehow got me thinking, yes to some people I will seem very poor, but to others I may seem rich.
I was invited to a posh dinner the other day (how the other half live), it was the type with an uncomfortable amount of cutlery on the table. I had to ask which set I was meant to use, I also learnt that red wine goes in the large glass and white wine goes in the small glass (apparently) - I personally prefer drinking wine out of a tumbler, mug or the odd occasion a bottle. That’s just me. I also know that the person who laughs and makes a joke of it too is my new bestie rather than the one that looks at me like they had no idea I’m northern, the type of northern where silver service has a totally different meaning. Life lesson number three - Richness is defined in so many ways that you should never let it make you feel inadequate.